There is a disease spreading across the cycling world. It affects the free-wheel and brakes of perfectly serviceable bicycles until the infected parts either seize or are amputated. The owner is left riding a severely handicapped bike, constantly in fear. Scared to pedal too hard in case they gain to much speed, worried they won’t be able to stop in time while their legs are spun endlessly as they wobble to the whim of their diseased machine…
Research has shown that the disease enters a bicycle directly through it’s owner. The rider themselves contract Fixamotosis through an over exposure to fashion and ‘lifestyle’ orientated media or by blindly following a herd of other infected riders.
It is simple to spot a Fixamotosis infected rider, the symptoms include an air of superiority over their fellow cyclist, a compulsion to wear retro cycling gear (with no clue to its origin) including a racing cap at all times and messenger bag. They will also unwillingly trackstand at every red light on their journey regardless of ability to complete the manouver. However some are harder to spot. If it is difficult to identify an infected rider from their appearance you can rely on the subject to babble deliriously about the purity of fixed-wheel cycling and about how it changed their life and that brakes are the most insane invention ever created.
The disease is spreading now to mainstream manufacturers who are breeding infected bikes in labs across the world. This is like genetic engineering to the meat industry, these bikes are so simple to produce as they lack most of the complex features of a regular bicycle that the easy profits are causing more companies to turn to this unethical form of bicycle production. The singlespeed plague was bad but this could be so much worse.
How do we fight this affliction and prevent it from taking over the cycling world? Although figures are vague at the moment it appears that the numbers of infected cyclist are self-regulating. The lack of stopping power and general cycling ability means that many are eliminated from the gene-pool by the heavy traffic of our cities before they can be cured. Vigilance seems to be the most effective method of combatting this problem. If you notice a friend displaying early signs of Fixamatosis it is recommended that you take the piss mercilessly until they are cured.
Fixies. Seriously. Whats the point?
The Search Blog 