There is a disease spreading across the cycling world. It affects the free-wheel and brakes of perfectly serviceable bicycles until the infected parts either seize or are amputated. The owner is left riding a severely handicapped bike, constantly in fear. Scared to pedal too hard in case they gain to much speed, worried they won’t be able to stop in time while their legs are spun endlessly as they wobble to the whim of their diseased machine…
Research has shown that the disease enters a bicycle directly through it’s owner. The rider themselves contract Fixamotosis through an over exposure to fashion and ‘lifestyle’ orientated media or by blindly following a herd of other infected riders.
It is simple to spot a Fixamotosis infected rider, the symptoms include an air of superiority over their fellow cyclist, a compulsion to wear retro cycling gear (with no clue to its origin) including a racing cap at all times and messenger bag. They will also unwillingly trackstand at every red light on their journey regardless of ability to complete the manouver. However some are harder to spot. If it is difficult to identify an infected rider from their appearance you can rely on the subject to babble deliriously about the purity of fixed-wheel cycling and about how it changed their life and that brakes are the most insane invention ever created.
The disease is spreading now to mainstream manufacturers who are breeding infected bikes in labs across the world. This is like genetic engineering to the meat industry, these bikes are so simple to produce as they lack most of the complex features of a regular bicycle that the easy profits are causing more companies to turn to this unethical form of bicycle production. The singlespeed plague was bad but this could be so much worse.
How do we fight this affliction and prevent it from taking over the cycling world? Although figures are vague at the moment it appears that the numbers of infected cyclist are self-regulating. The lack of stopping power and general cycling ability means that many are eliminated from the gene-pool by the heavy traffic of our cities before they can be cured. Vigilance seems to be the most effective method of combatting this problem. If you notice a friend displaying early signs of Fixamatosis it is recommended that you take the piss mercilessly until they are cured.
Fixies. Seriously. Whats the point?
The Search Blog 
Theo said,
March 19, 2009 @ 11:52 am
I rode to college the other day on my single speed road bike and i didn’t stop pedaling once and if i could of i would have liked to have a fixed gear bike
I don’t care how fast i go in fact the faster the better
and you do have sufficient stopping power on a fixie if you have legs
Michael said,
March 22, 2009 @ 6:39 am
Not everyone who rides a fixie is considered a hypebest.
People who actually race or enjoy the bike’s simple set up or looks shouldnt
be looked down upon or a eye sore in the bicycle world. So what if hipsters trackstand at red lights and what if they dont belive in brakes. Its not the end of the world.People like you shouldnt think that everyone else should ride regular road bikes or mtbs. If you dont like it dont complain deal with it. A bike is a bike and not everyone has the same taste. I love fixed gear bicycles.
UR said,
May 26, 2009 @ 9:05 pm
Let’s reach a compromise and settle on a single-speed, shall we? Easier for novice riders, plus you can COAST DOWN HILLS! I mean, isn’t that one of the funnest parts of cycling? – Mitey Miss
dan said,
May 30, 2009 @ 8:57 pm
um what is YOUR point? ride what you wanna ride. this is not about being cool or trendy. fixed gears give you incredible control over the road. if you live in a city where most serious cyclists live. then you will quickly learn the value of a fixed gear bike. you my friend i am sure just ride for fun or exercise. I live and die by my bike. that means only a fixed gear for me.
kimmoth said,
July 1, 2009 @ 3:09 pm
The author prolly should’ve taken the time to distinguish between original hardcore fixie fans (who are all nuts, particularly the ones without brakes), and the trendwhores currently flocking to fixies who are doing so mainly cause everybody else is.
The ranks of the hardcore stalwarts may be bolstered by those few trendwhores who not only survive the experience but also form the considered opinion that such lunacy constitutes a good idea… but the rest of em are toast; this will be a short-lived fad, I’d say…
At least it’s gotten folks off MTBs and onto skinny tyres. I’d imagine there’s no turning back for many : )
paul said,
July 24, 2009 @ 7:49 pm
Shame you had to spend so much time on such a negative artical. There are many benefits to riding fixed. Just get out on your bike and ride man!!
paul said,
July 24, 2009 @ 7:54 pm
if you love fixed gear. check out http://www.riparatofixedgear.com
i want something positive to come out of this page, and it would please me greatly if you would all take a look and join up!
Kenneth said,
August 10, 2009 @ 1:55 pm
what a bunch of weiners you trendy wierd freaks are.
Mike said,
August 18, 2009 @ 4:20 am
Ok first of all dan said: “fixed gears give you incredible control over the road.”
All I have to say to that is he probably has never ridden a bike that can freewheel and has speed modulation via a ‘brake’. The ability to load up the side walls of a tire in a sharp turn can not only make for a tighter radius but also carries speed much better. as well the ability to use a ‘brake’ (aka not your legs) is also a big help in being a faster rider through turns.
However I would say that fixed gears give you an incredible feel of the road. as you are not connecting your power to the tarmac through a long chain of mechanisms.
I personnally ride track bikes because I like the speed and excitement of riding in a velodrome. But due to not having a near by velodrome I ride a fair amount on the road.
and one more thing. Hipsters suck… go back to being emo!
josh said,
October 16, 2011 @ 2:24 am
fuck off idiot. let people be who they are, and worry about what YOU are doing, and not everyone else.
Thea said,
September 1, 2009 @ 7:28 pm
WTF? fixes are hardcore, you can’t ride a fixie unless your bad-ass. there’s posers with everthing out there. get over your self and stop being jealous fixies riders are way more BA then you!!!!
josh said,
October 16, 2011 @ 2:25 am
’nuff said.
Rosto said,
September 2, 2009 @ 7:52 pm
Riding a fixie is the next step up from riding a normal bike. It is a skill and challenge and makes riding a bike far more enjoyable. You have to be alert and aware or you will be thrown off.
I have ridden bikes for my whole life including being an avid BMXer and Mountain Biker, as I get older my body can’t take the abuse I throw at it on either of these bikes and so I looked for something else to master. A fixie is that bike.
A fixie is a challenge. If you are a poncy single speed rider with a freewheel you are a moron.
hahaha said,
October 14, 2009 @ 9:36 pm
Seriously, “bad ass”? C’mon people, riding a fixie doesn’t make you any more BA than a loaf of white bread. Black Belt Karate Experts are BA when it comes to ass-kicking, Oprah is BA when it comes to being a media mogul, Don Juan was BA when it came to the Ladies. Skinny jean hipsters on fixies are not BA. You may be a BA on a fixie if a person cuts you off then you step off your bike, open their car door an rearrange their face (and don’t get caught).
Bikes are bikes, they’re fun for what they are…just ride one, if it makes you smile, than THAT is bad ass! If no smiles, try something else, free world…
They’re only as fast as you are, they only handle as good as you make them and they can always be made lighter (for you weight weinies) for free: eat less, ride more!
Vive la Velo!
Jef said,
July 6, 2010 @ 5:35 pm
oh all these posts, i like this one. any bike is what you make of it. ride a flipflop hub so you can coast down hills as fast as you want and switch back to fixed to get more efficiency through the flats. best of both worlds. the more time you spend worrying about what others are up to, the more you become as bad as what you hate on. everyone who likes to ride whatever bike they ride had the right idea.
David said,
August 16, 2010 @ 1:43 am
Um, what’s cooler than a loaf of sliced bread, nothing, fixed or die, so die.
stout said,
October 26, 2009 @ 5:09 am
everyone’s a critic of fixies until they ride one. one. some do it to be fashionable, yes, but that’s not all it’s limited to. two. if you’re into tricks, you can do tricks on a fixie you could never do on a road bike. three. professional riders will ride a fixie/track bike in the winter for training and muscle memory. four. you’re a judgemental prick. who cares what kind of bike they’re riding. you wanna get mad because they don’t have the most technical bike and it’s not advanced? that’s like getting mad at someone because they drive a honda instead of a $300,000 sports car. i’m sure you’re not riding around on an ugly pink bike because you wanted a bike that suited you and looked a little cool. don’t act like looks don’t play a part for everyone’s bike purchase. fixies are an amazingly fun bike to ride and you shouldn’t judge until you’ve been on one.
RPiechocinski said,
November 19, 2009 @ 5:18 pm
I recently started commuting downtown (cleveland, ohio) for school on my roadbike and constantly noticed people on fixies seamlessly moving through traffic and passing me up. It wasn’t til I did a little reseach that I discovered fixed gear bikes. 1,500 miles after purchasing a used trek roadbike from a friend for $150 I’ve realized my frame is much too small and its time to build something new. After doing a little research I found that fixie’s are lighter, easier maintainable, and more energy efficient via a better power transfer or as pedalpowerct.com described, you’ll experience, ” added efficiency and momentum of the rear wheel and fixed gear that keep the pedals turning around. ” Although I do see many “hipsters” riding them I think it only speaks to their own style/interests and shouldn’t set a stereotype that all fixie riders are wannabe hipsters. If I had $1,500 I’d maybe consider buying myself a decent road bike from trek or specialized, but I don’t and get more enjoyment out of building things I need so I plan on scrounging up $300, getting myself a frame, new handlebars, and new hubs drivetrain and building myself a fun, cost-effective, easily maintainable commuting machine 🙂
And as far as hating on “hipsters” for joining the cycling community, that’s absurd. Let’s focus on what the core of bicycling is all about: simplicity, freedom, and fun. Fixie bikes are aesthetically appealing so of course they turn heads, illicit interest to research what they are, their history (fixie’s were the first bicycles used in the tour de france), and maybe motivate them to put laziness aside and try cycling. Whether you’re riding a $3,500 specialized dome bike, a $200 dick’s mountain bike, or a $300 fixie, I have love for all of the bicycling community as should you:)
Justin said,
April 9, 2010 @ 6:17 am
All I want to know is where do I get a set of white carbon fibre wheels like the ones in the picture. Lil’ help people?!?
Jim said,
May 3, 2010 @ 1:51 pm
This is hilarious. I had no idea how much hatred gets spewed at fixie riders. Who cares? Unless they’re bothering you (looks don’t count, you’re not Joan Rivers, are you?), it might be a good time to find a better channel for your attention. If I were feeling judgmental, I’d say the anti-hipsters are just as irritating as their counterparts.
fred said,
June 23, 2010 @ 4:37 am
A single speed pulled up at the lights the other day and I asked him if it was a real ie a fixie and he said yes and then I asked him about how you corner on one of those things and he gave me some old pap about shorter cranks and higher bottom brackets but he also said that when cornering he sometimes has straighten up mid bend and then corner again. So I said to him that he has taken something as elegant as tossing it into one of your favorite bends and replacing it with something that looks like it belongs on FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS. he didn’t get the joke
Fixies are gay hence all the pretty colors
David said,
August 16, 2010 @ 1:39 am
So where should i start….
Fixies are a different style bike, your just a hater, something different that you don’t like doesn’t mean you need to make a stereotype about a person that rides a certain bike with certain styles. I ride mother fucking fixed gear for exercise and expression in my bike I don’t wear hats when i’m riding or even a bag..? I mean come on i know all the history behind my 1980 Nishiki Internation fixie and i built it myself, now you say fixed gear is” mainstream” as well.? Well i live in Georgia and i know 2 people that have a fixed gear bike other than me, you need to stop talking trash about things you don’t know about, fixies are fun, unsafe, and skidable, go ride your road bike and wear your tight spandex that shows your small penor. See i can be stereotypical too asshole
kthxsbai..
David said,
September 21, 2010 @ 3:09 pm
Fuck you, deleting my rant about on Fixed gear you fuck.! Can’t take the heat then Gtfo fagg.
Daniel said,
March 12, 2011 @ 8:27 am
you sound like a nazi gay basher, You’ve help me decide I’am gona by a fixie tommorrw.
Yea I said It said,
November 26, 2010 @ 5:55 pm
Why hasn’t anyone figures out that you can put 1 brake on the front wheel at least?
seo said,
January 31, 2012 @ 5:24 pm
Wonderful post but I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Many thanks!